Everything's Normal in Beardland
by sunshinerosesandDEATH
Summary: In which Max grows a beard, Angel cackles maniacally, Fang and Iggy hide in emo corners, the Gasman blows up cheese, and there is supreme oddness. Maleste, being the harmonious union of Max and Celeste is included, as well as minuscule Figgy.


Hey ya'll, Sunny's back! Scary, I know. This randomly popped into my head when I was sugar high, which explains for the uh, oddness. If you are offended by this, I'm sorry, but it is a parody.

Dedicated to yo momma and my momma! Happy Mothers day!

Disclaimer: I own Maximum Ride, Harry Potter and I'm mind controlling yo momma!

Claimer:I do own not Maximum Ride

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It was a normal day with the flock.

Iggy and Gazzy were doing suspicious things with a pile of cheese and some wires.

Nudge was knitting and yattering to herself.

Angel was making Total and Akila dance, using her mind control and cackling maniacally.

Fang was slitting his wrists again.

And Max?

Max was banging her head against a tree.

"Why am I stuck with a bunch of imbeciles…why, why, why?! Fang, stop doing that, it's hazardous to your health!"

"Don't care…nobody understands meeee…angst…angst…angst…"

"OH FANG!" Max cried, leaping like a lovely little leaping lizard over to Fang.

"I understand you! I get why you never talk! I know why you wear all black and attract a heck of a lot of girls!"

"You do?" Fang screamed joyfully. "Why in the name of god do I do these things?"

Max paused for a second.

"You know, I haven't the foggiest idea."

Fang looked depressed again.

Rivers of blood flowed from his angelically brown skin, mingling with his emo tears of pain that no one, not even his best friend,knew_ why in the name of god he did these things._

Max resumed banging her head against the tree.

There was a silence, except for the pounding of Max's' head on the poor innocent tree who never did anything wrong to anyone, Fang muttering "Angst…angst… angst..." over and over, Angel giggling insanely and Iggy and Gazzy whispering suspiciously.

So there wasn't really a silence.

Where was Nudge? You clever readers ask.

Nudge?

Oh, she fell in the plothole.

We should probably fix that, so if you wish real hard and all clap your hands, we can bring her back!

Come on folks, it's like you don't want her inane chatter back! You don't want her moronic teeny-bopper attitude and badly knit sweaters back in this story!

What?!

Why oh why oh why oh why don't you?

Oh.

We see why.

Henceforth Nudge, since the authoress wants her to be in this story, but you nonbelievers have ousted her, shall be named Bob.

So Nudg- I mean _Bob_ was sitting on a tuffet, knitting.

Suddenly, Max noticed something very odd.

Something eye-catching, yet subtle.

Something deep and wonderful.

Part of every mutant's growing up.

Something on her face!

"Holy crap, I'm growing a beard!"

At this excessively peculiar pronouncement, Fang and Iggy burst into uncontrollable sobs of pain and despair.

"OH MAX!" they cried in unison, tears streaming down their unreasonably handsome faces.

"Why is it that you, our most manly and strong and wonderful and fantastic leader has grown a beard before us! And such a wonderfully full and rich one as well!"

It's a marvel that they managed to say all that in unison, but they did.

"It's because I'm more manly and strong and wonderful and fantastically masculine than you guys!"

"Oh deary me!" Fang and Iggy cried in unison again. "You're right! We will never be as manly and strong and wonderful and fantastically masculine as you, Max! We're going to go off and hide in our emo corner and be secretly gay now!"

"Alrighty guys, have fun!" Max said happily, running her fingers through her new wonderfully rich and full beard.

Fang's abandonment of her for Iggy didn't bother Max in the least, because for a long time she had been secretly lusting over someone else…

But who could it be?

Who was more deserving of Max's love than Fang?

Ah, it was the most underestimated and underwritten about member of the Flock.

"Oh Celeste, my dear-darling-honeypie-sweetie-bunch-flower-power-pumpkin-mumpkin-banana-shortbread-cheese-whiz!"

Yes, Angels' teddy bear herself.

You see, Celeste didn't mind the fact that Max was starting to resemble an old guy.

She didn't care that Max had a beard and a potbelly.

She didn't really care about anything, for, you see, Celeste is not real.

She is the one that brings you candy on Martin Luther King Day.

No one brings us candy on Martin Luther King Day! You cry indignantly.

Exactly.

Duh.

So even though Max was starting to bear –haha- an uncanny resemblance to James Patterson, Celeste still loved her.

So everyone continued with what they were doing, be it hiding in metaphorical closets and cutting themselves, being mentally yanked around like a puppet, mentally yanking people around like puppets, being renamed and knitting or blowing up things.

But it was different now.

For Max was happy.

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If you review, I will love you forever and ever and ever and ever...whee...-splat-

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